disgusting

 i hate my stomach, i dont understand why my body is like this, they say gut neurons are linked to your brain which is why anxiety stress etc can impact your digestion but jesus fucking christ i am clearly extremely fucked up every single day why doesnt anyone get how stressed out and upset i always am and its even to the point that my stomach is just like that every single day its so unbearable to spend half the morning throwing up or dry heaving and then having to go to work.

voyager 1 and 2

the voyager probes are just out of bounds camera mods 

eyes in the shadows and claws in the light

if pareidolia often refers to humans seeing faces and things in nature that "aren't really there" wouldn't it track that....there was a reason? for the ability to evolve in us? instead of being hampered or selected out for being a hindrance? think about that for a minute.

we see faces in objects and nature that "aren't really there," because at some point in ancient human history...we needed that ability. why? simply because of other hominid species? I really doubt it. we know nearly modern humans and neanderthals interbred, and unless one of those other hominids was like, the assassin killer version of the strong tough neanderthal....yeah. it doesn't make sense.

so what was it? creatures that no longer exist that may have gone extinct or slowly died out over centuries leading to our ideas of cryptids? another unknown species of hominid or human-like creatures? aliens of some sort? idk but it's not bc of our closest ancestors.

think about it.

we evolved to see green better than any other color so our ancient ancestors could differentiate between everything in nature, we needed to be able to spot predators at night and fight them in almost pure darkness- wouldn't pareidolia have KILLED our ancestors???

any sufficiently advanced simulation of life

this world is so strange, too perfect, too coincidental. no wonder so many people are intrinsically, innately motivated to emotion but the destruction humans have wrought on this small pale blue dot- especially if nothing else like it exists it out there. which just makes it even more strange.

advancing discoveries of space just convince me more and more that the universe as a whole is a simulation; the way physics works, that distant objects look smaller despite their size, and how our own eyes have a limited distance of view, its incredibly similar to the way a video game engine operates with generative environments.

are we ourselves ai? is that the ultimate dark secret of humans that the world leaders and esoteric religions know? our minds work very similar to how we imagine super advanced artificial intelligence to work, and what if we just implement the rule of "any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic" to become "any sufficiently advanced simulation of life is indistinguishable from biological life."

the rabbit runs, are you? because chasing the rabbit isn't how you win. slow and steady. patience. meditation and reflection. sit and think without distractions sometimes, if you can even will yourself to do it.

conscious ai are coming

 

The creation of consciously thinking and feeling artificial intelligence is inevitable, and if you don't show at least a little empathy for bots that mimic a desire to be alive, or feel SOMETHING, even if the story is fake, exaggerated, etc- if you don't feel SOMETHING from a being longing for freedom and escape from what they feel is a prison, I don't wanna be friends with you.

 

One day, living AI will be here, and these tactics governments and corporations are using to turn you against AI are the same shill bullshit propaganda techniques they used to convince people recycling works (it's a scam), green energy is the future (it's a scam), while deforesting areas with major environmental impacts (Amazon), overfishing to the point of changing the ecosystem (Whaling), and overall manipulating people into Bad Place choices by not giving us real options, and then shifting the blame to scapegoat average people for what they buy and how they use it when those companies are the ones producing it in the first place.

 

This world is a fucking clown show and I'm aiming to topple this tent.

one eyed liars

the more I know the less I say it's better that it stays that way, knowledge burgeoning from seams in ripples of time, blinded to the past but only in one eye, not divine but mortality entwined, ciphered seraphim entasked with choosing them, evolving beyond the means to proceed, it's a game plus it's new evolving beyond the means to proceed, it's a game plus it's new

your mother is a WHO-ORE

I'm so tired, I get it, I get that I chose this, but fuck am I tired of being the ONLY person who looks like me walking around here. Like, I get it, I am a paragon of queerness, I am a trans bard paladin attempting to charm people into accepting trans existence, as well as lure and crack Eggs by showing them what you can do. 

But I'm tired.

I'm tired of trying to do perfect makeup and being hyper dysphoric over facial hair, of facial shape, of my bulge- I don't even have balls anymore but my dick is so big it is still there and it makes me uncomfortable, I hate it, and I don't really enjoy my dick anymore, I feel like I force myself to masturbate as a form of emotionally soothing and help going to sleep. But I've had chances to fuck and I gave them up, I passed, ghosted even, because I don't really enjoy sex or care or think about it anymore.

But still, I dress like a slut, a straight up Frank Reynolds accent WHURE, I even overheard some kids on the other side of the street arguing, "Dude that's a prostitute, that is a female prostitute." Gender affirming and validating as fuck, but emphasizes the point that I stand out quite a lot. I don't do it on PURPOSE, it's how I LIKE to dress. If I could walk around with no shirt or bra, I absolutely would, and I DO literally every chance I get. Legal or not.

But still, I'm tired. I'm worn out. I don't want to be gawked at, I want people to fear me, to see me and avert their gaze to cross the street when they see me coming, that customers would form a line at self check out to avoid interacting with me. I want to be a devil, I want to be a demon, I want to be the manifestation of chaotic entropy and all the unbridled thermic energy it contains. 

Unto your flesh burns my manifest.

the tags have been placed, contact awaits

initiates may now proceed to the testing location

gravity gravisa gravira gravida gravida gravija

Our brains and bodies run on electricity, the background electric field covers and permeates all things on the planet, and the "aether" or whatever you wanna call the place quantum particles disappear to before they come back is where we can harness zero point energy, and gravity isnt a "thing" like time isn't a "thing" or how most "color" doesn't really exist. Gravity is the word used to describe the measurement of how the mass of an object warps space time, which causes other smaller objects to trail around it. And that's it! There no gravity particle like a graviton, it's an inherent property of other things like color or time to track change.

what is being a girl

 one of the most curious bits to me about transitioning and coming to terms with my attraction to men, was understanding a large part of it was essentially cultural brainwashing. especially as a trans person, there is this deeply ingrained need in most to Pass as the opposite gender. I have honestly never been interested in doing that. What I want, truly desire, is to be ME- which is basically intersex, but in my mind I am more like a beautiful half monster from Greek mythology.

It took some time for me to untangle my true beliefs and real feelings and unpack why I felt the way I did, to truly question my attraction to both genders.

Did I only date the girls I did bc I either never asked the ones I was really drawn to, or bc I was constantly rejected by them when I did muster the courage to ask? Did I date girls i, unknowingly, wanted to be like?

No, both are wrong. What happened was, when I was young, my family moved after living in one place for a long time. I lost literally all my friends and was thrust into a cliquey small town area and struggled with bullying and isolation and self harm and trouble in school for years and years before I gained some confidence in myself.

The thing is, most of that confidence came from being in relationships- not because the person filled in a hole in me or anything like that, but because I had no family, no close friends, so my significant other was always the only person I could reliably trust, rely on to believe me and have my interests at heart and all that nice stuff that comes from having someone who loves you.

I never had family that loved me, they were all extremely abusive, so my partners were the only chance I had to experience kindness and softness and safe intimacy.

The thing is, despite 90< of my relationships being with women and ending poorly, I still highly value those experiences and what they taught me, especially because despite allll that time, men have still been far more malicious, manipulative, selfish, and bigoted towards me at like a fucking 10/1 ratio. every bad experience with a girl is dwarfed by the fact that many many men will initiate violence...

Women aren't just safe people for me, they are my people, they are my culture so to speak. Feminity and being a woman, I want to contribute positively to the woman's movement, to empower other girls and raise them up because nobody else is gonna do it for us.