your mother is a WHO-ORE

I'm so tired, I get it, I get that I chose this, but fuck am I tired of being the ONLY person who looks like me walking around here. Like, I get it, I am a paragon of queerness, I am a trans bard paladin attempting to charm people into accepting trans existence, as well as lure and crack Eggs by showing them what you can do. 

But I'm tired.

I'm tired of trying to do perfect makeup and being hyper dysphoric over facial hair, of facial shape, of my bulge- I don't even have balls anymore but my dick is so big it is still there and it makes me uncomfortable, I hate it, and I don't really enjoy my dick anymore, I feel like I force myself to masturbate as a form of emotionally soothing and help going to sleep. But I've had chances to fuck and I gave them up, I passed, ghosted even, because I don't really enjoy sex or care or think about it anymore.

But still, I dress like a slut, a straight up Frank Reynolds accent WHURE, I even overheard some kids on the other side of the street arguing, "Dude that's a prostitute, that is a female prostitute." Gender affirming and validating as fuck, but emphasizes the point that I stand out quite a lot. I don't do it on PURPOSE, it's how I LIKE to dress. If I could walk around with no shirt or bra, I absolutely would, and I DO literally every chance I get. Legal or not.

But still, I'm tired. I'm worn out. I don't want to be gawked at, I want people to fear me, to see me and avert their gaze to cross the street when they see me coming, that customers would form a line at self check out to avoid interacting with me. I want to be a devil, I want to be a demon, I want to be the manifestation of chaotic entropy and all the unbridled thermic energy it contains. 

Unto your flesh burns my manifest.