rizz rizz if she can't do it jonoje can

breaking one line at a step by the digital code that prioritizes countless lives over mine that i find its too much for progeny of schizofrends whose brains go rizzyah 

untitled

Shimmering sands beneath shimmering stars upon a desolate beach
Waves breaking against the coast, darkness begging to be occupied
Thoughts freeze, fingers draw upward to point, while muscles tighten.
Not today, unfortunately
A contented turn, confident stride, a trek to weariness.
The beach looms before me, glittering and empty.
Sand glinting in the moonlight, among the glittering stars.
Crashing waves appeal to my tortured psyche, begging for relief.
anxious fear-frozen thoughts, tight muscles
My fingers slowly raise and motion to the vast expanse.
But today I refuse to submit.
To that dark tug of sorrow.
Instead, I turn and depart in a contented manner.
From this location of eerie beauty
Until fatigue overwhelms me and sleep takes control.

schizophrenia button

I can't deny

I'm losing my mind

That's why I try

Ink blots and

Quick thoughts

To get the point across

But it falls flat on

Audiences that perceive

Hints of violence as 

Discourse worthy of

Moderating

Eliminating

Dissenting voices

Still emanating

A whole chorus full of em

Not angels it's the

Demons that's wildin

Tried to tell them

You'll just end up ignore

Spoke of like Two-Face

Running as a centrist

Looking to sit on fences

Instead of mending the

Cracks and holes 

Fill your discussions

So much cheese why not

Call your shit a luncheon

If im causing dysfunction

Just call this concoction

The schizophrenia button

kintsugi

im like a broken record

full of cracks and scratches

making screeching sounds

i am kept around

because i remind you

of when things were more

simple and more innocent

though ive always been

broken and spinning

in circles 

maybe

you see the beauty

in a broken thing

that is fragile

and tormented

maybe

if you fill in 

all of the cracks

with a bit

of gold flake

it's not forever

but i will be new

anonymity or infamy

anonymity 

or infamy 

though dichotomy

significant reality

two paths for me

still never free 

aerials you shouldn't miss

shoot me in the head, all I see is red

bones dancing grave, adhdrave

you know I'm not the same, not sane

particles ripping in collisions atomically

pill popping, limbs snapping eventually

backbreak in a similar vein to big bane

waiting to find direction from weather vanes

and shit talking NPCs playing games

I got more solutions than playing minesweeper

for eighty days, eighty nights of sleepless

sleep talking walking stalking distorted

shadows perceiving me with illusions

that intoxicate my collective identity

making me lose names like socks

slipping through the interdimensional 

tear in my couch

I wonder how many keys I'll find like

loose change between those cushions

oh there's the remote

they used to follow me, they still do, but they used to, to

I used to see them all the time. Feel their presence. Following me every time I was alone. Shadows like bodies, and every time, it felt like they were literally being seized out of my brain, that I was generating them, yet I had no control and I was afraid. Then...they stopped. I don't know why. But every time I'm alone at night, I find myself randomly staring at the base of the door...waiting...

I need a dog

I don't trust anyone

 I don't trust masons. I don't trust satanists. I don't trust christians. I don't trust politicians. I don't trust kings. I don't trust gods. I don't trust philosophers. I only trust myself.

Worshipping forms seems to be, despite frequent assertions of the opposite, a worship of the material world. 

So many of these so called doctrines relate back to a god, creator, architect, etc, and typically that all living things are part of this being. Typically religious cult bullshit.

I am god. You are god. We share components, symmetry, the superposition of our atomic structures, but we are not literally the same. We are each, every consciously acting Thing in the world is it's own, and when They/We/All die, we don't simply become One with the universe, we remain entangled, as we always have.

Tell me:

Is a fish

in a net

the same

as the net?

I miss having an fp

 I feel like I fucked up letting people know who I really am like how crazy I am because it seems to just driven everyone away from me... I thought being more honest about who I am and happy and accepting it and living you know like... as my true self or whatever would draw people like me to me but I I guess that's the problem with neurodivergent people like I am so autistic and I'm schizophrenic am I borderline am I I don't even know anymore. I don't think it even matters. all that matters is it makes it really hard for me to have anybody close to me and that sucks

whatta reality

 

Deep in my mind, I am lost in the complex web of real life. It's like walking in a maze, every turn brings new mysteries. Each thought and action spreads out across existence, like ripples on a calm pond. Our awareness is a guide through many possible worlds. Other worlds exist beyond what we can see, created by powerful energies. Every choice affects reality, making many different futures possible. It's a dance of atoms and particles, each move takes us somewhere new. In the midst of all the confusion, there's a kind of balance. Our shared beliefs shape history. Subconscious thoughts, shaped by society and culture, lead us to our destiny. In this big world, the entertainment business has a lot of power. They use stories in movies, books, and art to control our thoughts and desires. But there are people who look for truth, and won't be tricked by the powerful.

mirror mirror

i see every choice i make explode in thousands of pieces, every time i choose i become a shard

Dream Demon

 

I had a dream recently where something that looked like this was trying to like infiltrate my mind while I was sleeping? and my alters came to my aid and fought it together. when it attacked its energy sounded and looked like static. I used to have this weird nightmare where I'd fall asleep and immediately be woken up by the feeling/sound/sensation of plunging into a giant wall of static. It spoke in some kind of fucking cthtonic sounding ass voice and there were subtitles? but they were weird and glitchy like the madoka witch title graphics before their fights. my grass boy merged with the goddess in the form of a dragon and the bad guy noped out but for some reason I could understand what he said or at least make out the intention? It was something like how it didn't expect that. idk

idk why im doing this

 maybe it will help, maybe it will just be nice to leave a trail behind when i inevitably disappear