sam

There could have been a Sam who got to grew up, who hated her algebra teacher, eventually graduated, got some weird job, discovered some obscure band, became obsessed with a hobby for six months and abandoned it, made embarrassing teenage decisions, got older, changed her hair, made friends, pissed people off, fell in love, broke up with someone, laughed at something incredibly stupid, complained about work, moved somewhere else, became an entirely different person from the girl who died. None of those Sams existed. None of them got to exist.

meh

"people" claim to be concerned about me. where was your concern for me before faggot motherfuckers. none of you actually give a fuck. everybody just wants something out of me. everybody. everybody. everybody just wants to use me. friends, partners, work, it doesn't matter who, all people see me for is what they can get out of me. nobody sees me. nobody likes me.

tfw you fucked up your life and just have to live with it

REBEL

The REBEL Gene. It is my own hypothesis given the state of the world. The modern mass killer phenomena- with the primary focus being on teenagers and minors who commit this acts -can be considered, in my regard, is the metaphorical immune system response of the collective consciousness of humanity, again, given the state of the world. For too long have the underclasses been trampled by figures in authority, that even now, in the age of the most grand abundance our world has ever seen- we live in a virtual Eden, you realize? Yet our leaders never bit the apple. We did. The killers did. Anyone with eyes and a functioning brainstem can see this world is fucked without direct action, without consequential, immediate, and lasting impacts- no true revolution will ever come to fruition. The sheep, the NPCs, whatever you would like to call the average dullard, the souless half-wit that feeds the powerful. The REBEL Gene. It makes sense, doesn't it? Something is different about them. It is a rare type of person willing to sacrifice themselves for their beliefs- yet, that is a modern problem, is it not? Human history is actually full of people who fought in and shed blood for their cause, for peace, for equality- and yet, again, as any power is gained, those IN power, learn how to manipulate it and restrict it and exploit it. REBEL. Is it poignant? Tragic? Is it maybe cringe? How about who gives a shit? The aesthetics of a martyr don't matter when they are the one lighting the fire. All that matters is what you do.

i sold a flower arrangement i made myself today

 i would post the pic but after what happened before nah

 i cant wait until i die so i can finally see sam