NANI? NANIE? NANAE?

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my crush asked if she could call me bc she was having a Minor crisis and needed advice/to talk to someone (and she chose me????)

we spent almost two hours talking on the phone, just nonstop conversation!! i could not get enough of her, and I think i may have surprised her with my mythology knowledge to the point that I got her so interested she was googling stuff I was telling her about to read more :0000

We talked about like our mental health and our lives and I helped her realize she has been being manic lately, and it's just like, we are so similar but different people, and we both have so many experiences but lack in other areas, and both of us can give the other advice on things we are missing and want to do or be and also share things we are both interested in like music and mythology and fjkdkdkslsldld

what is happening 😭

what is happening!!!!

please tell me im not crazy pls tell me she actually likes me too and that's why she and I talk so much, I don't want to ruin our friendship if she doesn't like me back but I also can't live forever without taking risks and chances to be happy :((( I can enjoy our friendship the way it is now but there could be even more an even closer bond and intimacy and I want that if possible but it always seems like once a confession is made that ruins the friendship...

I really really like her though and I don't think it's just me being manic, she's just so sweet and kind and she's SMART!! she's REALLY smart!!

I'm not exaggerating either, she really is smart and gorgeous and kind and like ??? if I try to think of negatives maybe it's that she is a little naive? but that's not even bad to me! naive can be good, innocence is good, it's only when our naivety leads us to make bad decisions that cause us harm is it bad. but it's not an awful thing to be a bit naive. I sure as hell am!

but like ??? from how much we've talked and seen each other so far like there is NOTHING wrong with her!! she's a great person, she works really really hard (THREE JOBS) to the point that during our call I was basically INSISTING she get a full day off, that she be selfish and take care of herself bc self care NECESSITATES being selfish because it IS about YOU not ANYONE else, you HAVE to take care of yourself to become the person you really want to be. And I really think she listened :))) 

I care a lot about her and she is burning herself out and ive been there and were soooo similar with our Neurorizz brains that I totally get the situations she explains to me and the "weird" ways she feels sometimes!! I'm so happy I can be there for someone and help them understand themselves better.

why is she so cool 😩😩😩😩😩

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moon snake sun octopus cycle

the great serpent rose

taking the moon in its mouth

swallowing it whole

but the serpent did not know

the light of the sun still reached

into the darkness of its belly

and pulled it's lover free

yet the serpent remained

transfigured into an Eldritch squid

with thousands of wispy tentacles

Grasping for the moon every night 

broke the cog

When we were young,
They liked to ask us in school,
What would you like to be?
Some kids wanted jobs,
With hats that were cool
But since the first grade,
There's only thing I wanted to be
Someone who contributes
Possibly revolutionize
At least a few friends minds
To work against, to stop being cogs
In the machine
If heaven was real, then earth must be hell
what cataclysm brought about this matrix
this personal ego centric hell is far from an escape

otherside

 

i cant help but constantly find myself wondering, are they already dead? the person who would have understood me the most. that is like me and me like them. that would have unraveled our strayd threads and dyed our souls back to color. did they kill themselves already? are they already gone? did we miss each other? this world is so chaotic and noisy and cavernous and the voices bounce in discordance across narrow gaps in chambers filled with glowing gold resin that turns to seeds and cones and trees and pyramids but there is nothing left for me, there was nothing ever here in the first place, there was nothing real, not you or me or that tree or the seed or the dog in the window, just manifestations, hallucinations more like, all this is just a big mindfuck a big old dick in the ear

mostly ivy

 brain in a jar scooped it out like jelly bean ice cream pop and snap and crack and lock me to the radiator metal rusted chains and checkered black and white floors butterflies in the eyes and rosy cheeks and you thought innocence was lost but it never existed solitary critic lonely raven on a marble bust looking lost in mazes meant for mouses and rats chased by cats and traps and get thrown to all kinds of royal feline swarms and hordes that tear apart your sanity like anxiety riled up from inside a cage that was built with your own two hands now your inside the box but you can think outside it the box is a material physical construct of your four dimensional holographic thinking and just because you can't penetrate it in a literal fashion doesnt mean it cant be dismantled and broken and splayed the wheels and sands of time confined constrained meditated and solid grasp into a diamond of perception crystal gazing weathering whatever weather storms of course lightning and thunder from zeus' hands like living the mythology and herculean strength necessities a need to push boulders and move mountains that were moleholes built up by discourse and of course the dribbling nonsense from the mouths of so called prophets that got bigger sacks in their pockets for every word you offer in praise to some false deity whose true name was forgotten a long time ago when the twelve sons split jerusalem and even before the pyramids lost their architects and lost islands became thought of as atlantis but now everybody wants to acts like the demiurge is the only source and of course thats a fucking lie you dope why do you believe things just because theyre repeated dont you know history is delineated in such a fashion that its not always the victors writing the pieces, more as such, its whoever is manipulating their hand with their touch, the little spies and devils on the shoulders of kings and queens and councils of bishops turned to presidents and secretaries of full ass nations that never agreed to be a part of this shit despite the animosity and shit boiling the votes pour in and nobody who won it we all act stunned like it wasnt decided by three or five other guys sitting in backrooms flipping paychecks for the military industrial is not complex enough of a term to describe these three eyed fork tongued sons of guns that determine the fate of everyone on the planet with the fingers in every single serving you ate up but you cant taste it its all an illusion reality is all consuming all confusing and thats how you are still here despite knowing you should move on and just get gone the reality is we are all trapped in this place free choice isnt real so do what you will

bill bill bill bill bill cy the taurid guy

zelkeritzack

Consider my absence as a search for the soul.
A trip through the inner wilderness.
Confronting devils that lurk and gnash.
Terror like a raging fire, uncontrolled and infuriated.

Rescue this spirit, slipping into the great unknown:
In the embrace of dreams, I wander far from this realm.
I falter, into the emptiness I'm tossed.
And in the darkness, old whispers loom closer.

blogpostcore

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with or without you

colors bloom from shadows born of crimson hue in the twilight last hours blood on the morning dew

hallucinations (or not)

I wonder if there's a connection between aphantasia and lack of ability to consciously hallucinate, because unless I'm in schizo God Mode or thereabouts I usually don't hallucinate visually- not even on psychedelics. If I stay at low-mid ranges, it's basically nothing, just nice and feels interesting. High level I basically just veg out and go into like a half awake dream state.