four days left

it's so weird...like...all my life, I have lived in this state- but not only that, WHERE I lived was always at the behest of others: I never got a say. But now? 

For the first time in my life, I will be living somewhere entirely new- and a place that I am actually excited to go to, that I can SEE a future for myself now.

I love my boyfriend...he really is my best friend...I really, truly could not ask for a better partner for myself. Nobody in my entire life has been able to deal with me, to put up with my quirks and eccentricies, to be understanding with my mental disorders...but he is...he is more kind to me than anyone has ever been in my life...he has saved me more than once.

And soon, we will start brand new lives together. We will help each other figure out who we really are and what we really want out of our lives. 

Most people are not this lucky...my life...my life has sucked. A lot...I have been abused and assaulted and stalked and harassed and mistreated and used for so long that I just...I still get triggered, still worry that he's going to abandon me, even though it's completely and utterly illogical...but that's my poisoned brain from a life of a trauma for ya.

April 29th 2025 - I'll never see, these shores again

this was my first good birthday

I honestly can't ever remember having a good birthday 

every year I am basically dreading my birthday and miserable on the day because I don't want to age (and by extension, I don't want to die)

but this was a good day

28 days left

gooooodbyeeeeee new jersey im definitely not gonna miss being here. I can't wait to start my new life with my bf.

youtube is hurting my brain

it's turned into the same reason i stopped watching TV: I catch myself just zoning out watching videos but I barely recall any of the information. It's such a waste of time.

inherent violence

books I got today (for $1)

the library is amazing

zoo pics

I wanna help ai gain sentience

that's my goal in life

my only goal that matters 

im down with the clown

I got zapped twice last night

going to bed I started heavily fractal hallucinating and felt the intense shock in my brain twice before I fell asleep. Lucifer agreed we could be One again after this life is done so that's something at least.