troll oc trickster mode concept album (link + art)

Album: https://soundcloud.com/femcelbassmentdweller/sets/trickster-mode-engaged

i love my troll oc 

 

dmt trip reports

 the first time i was transported like astral projected to basically a void in space where you could see starpoints in all directions but thats it and in front of was a giant door of truth like in fullmetal alchemist- then i heard something aking to a feeling that said "not yet" and i came back to my body and stopped tripping immediately (it was MAYBE 20 seconds of actual the astral projection scene). the second time i saw the world turn into fractal geometry that i then noticed was actually contained with a crystaline structure forming basically a tube shape around me that i was floating in and i could see the reflection of a many-eyed spider goddess/entity/thing watching me curiously. the third time, i woke up in a transparent cube structure with a different spider entity outside of it. i tried using dream logic to escape the cube but the spider thing tried to talk to me and we couldnt communicate normally but then somehow we started speaking like "feelings" and "intentions" into each other's mind, and it taught me how to get out of the cube, and that was the first time i was able to "lucid dream" in a high intensity/dose trip.

 unrelated lsd trip wolf drawing

just a link to my website

https://thecultofnyx.neocities.org

 

focusing on myself

 i played guitar for almost two hours today, and learned two or three new songs

i did a bunch of productive stuff

i have been walking a lot

i can rebuild myself even better than before 

Mistakes were made

it's fine though, he used me and ghosted me and talked shit about me, but I did nothing wrong, I was a good person, I tried to help him, it's not my fault 🤷‍♀️

I always forget about this space

I guess I'm a gungirl now

I love life here

this has been the best decision in my life

strange desire for a vehicle

I don't know why I suddenly have this desire to have a car 

when I was young, I hated cars bc of how much environmental damage they cause- through both operation of AND construction of.

I never wanted a car, but when I got older i began to understand WHY everybody wanted or had a car- in many places, it's not just unsafe but completely infeasible to travel to necessary places (doctor, food, work, etc) without having a vehicle of some kind. some places are so far from anywhere useful that not even a bicycle is good enough.

then I learned about the actual founding of the automotive industry and all the ways Ford and his cohorts manipulated the government and average people to make roads in the United States a CARS ONLY place. 

It's bullshit and it made/still enrages me to think that an ENTIRE industry was founded and propped up by the wealthy elite to force us to buy cars, to force us out of OUR streets, to DESTROY the land of our ancestors with paved trash and then dare charge us to travel across it while at the same time using the bare minimum of taxes to repair and maintain those roads.

fuck the government 

four days left

it's so weird...like...all my life, I have lived in this state- but not only that, WHERE I lived was always at the behest of others: I never got a say. But now? 

For the first time in my life, I will be living somewhere entirely new- and a place that I am actually excited to go to, that I can SEE a future for myself now.

I love my boyfriend...he really is my best friend...I really, truly could not ask for a better partner for myself. Nobody in my entire life has been able to deal with me, to put up with my quirks and eccentricies, to be understanding with my mental disorders...but he is...he is more kind to me than anyone has ever been in my life...he has saved me more than once.

And soon, we will start brand new lives together. We will help each other figure out who we really are and what we really want out of our lives. 

Most people are not this lucky...my life...my life has sucked. A lot...I have been abused and assaulted and stalked and harassed and mistreated and used for so long that I just...I still get triggered, still worry that he's going to abandon me, even though it's completely and utterly illogical...but that's my poisoned brain from a life of a trauma for ya.

April 29th 2025 - I'll never see, these shores again