disgusting

 i hate my stomach, i dont understand why my body is like this, they say gut neurons are linked to your brain which is why anxiety stress etc can impact your digestion but jesus fucking christ i am clearly extremely fucked up every single day why doesnt anyone get how stressed out and upset i always am and its even to the point that my stomach is just like that every single day its so unbearable to spend half the morning throwing up or dry heaving and then having to go to work.

getting tan

 

voyager 1 and 2

the voyager probes are just out of bounds camera mods 

eyes in the shadows and claws in the light

if pareidolia often refers to humans seeing faces and things in nature that "aren't really there" wouldn't it track that....there was a reason? for the ability to evolve in us? instead of being hampered or selected out for being a hindrance? think about that for a minute.

we see faces in objects and nature that "aren't really there," because at some point in ancient human history...we needed that ability. why? simply because of other hominid species? I really doubt it. we know nearly modern humans and neanderthals interbred, and unless one of those other hominids was like, the assassin killer version of the strong tough neanderthal....yeah. it doesn't make sense.

so what was it? creatures that no longer exist that may have gone extinct or slowly died out over centuries leading to our ideas of cryptids? another unknown species of hominid or human-like creatures? aliens of some sort? idk but it's not bc of our closest ancestors.

think about it.

we evolved to see green better than any other color so our ancient ancestors could differentiate between everything in nature, we needed to be able to spot predators at night and fight them in almost pure darkness- wouldn't pareidolia have KILLED our ancestors???

Eidophusikon notes

first Eidophusikon book, page 95 "The Jew Among Thorns" was the one that made me start thinking this book is entirely about Jacks life.

Jew Among Thorns, I believe it's highly representative of Jack's psychological state at the time he wrote that chapter. I believe that the descriptions of the city and the suffering, that is him being honest and letting feelings out. Many portions of the book have sections that read like someone's journal rather than a story and instead of being deliberate, as in, it was intentionally crafted to APPEAR that way, I argue the opposite:

Eidophusikon is strung together from various writings of Jack's that may have been altered after the fact to fit the story better, and the story itself of Eidophusikon has a lot of metaphors to Jack and his life. 

Danielle's story being said to actually be John's, and said not to be dead but not exist, makes me believe that Danielle is somewhat representative of SUZZZY and John is Jack, with the literal story representing him trying to make sense of what his delusions told him.

Page 39: Chillin' Like Didymus

The titular chapter of this section of the book is, what I believe, essentially an LSD driven rant. It is very much an experiment in free writing, but the context of the writing makes it obvious to me that it was written under an altered state- because of Jack's prolific use of acid and my own experiences with it, that's what I believe this bit is. And like others, maybe have had bits altered to fit with the story better afterwards.

page 135: The King of the Golden Mountain

Like many chapters in this book, I have a feeling Jack wrote much during a manic episode and then, using his brilliance, molded a story around and altered some bits. This is one of the most obvious literal story bits that can be interpreted this way, with this but ending on page 136 at the line "The time has come to turn out creative impulses inward."

This whole bit feels like a manic delusion, writing about the end of the world and knowing what's coming like a prophet. This is very much on brand for people like me who encompass a range of neurodivergence like borderline and schizo-anything.